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Homepage – Forum Forums Off Topic WAYYYYYY off topic, but I need advice or help

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    My oldest son , has declared bankruptcy . He is on the deed to the house along with hubby and another son.
    He took a huge loan (supposedly to help us)$40000 more than he told us about.
    We want to refinance the loan and get the house back in our name only, but need to know if we can since he declared bankruptcy .
    Anyone know anything about finance , loans, bankruptcy laws in the USA? Keeping the house depends on us getting the house back in our names only so we can refinance hopefully.
    Just let me know and I will email you my phone number.

    Just thought I would see if I could get some advice before paying a lawyer )which we haven’t the money to do right now) , sigh.

    Hugs, Jeanne (hope this wasn’t too out of line posting here….I am just in a panic mode about all this.


    Well if it were me I would file a law suit against him but that’s me. In any event it would be wise to consult and attorney. Different states have different laws about this stuff. My guess is that he is the one filing they could only attach or consider his interests in the house and not your interests. That could tie it up if you wanted to sell it though. The bankruptcy court may not his interest in the house to be considered but then there is the bank to consider. If the loan is being paid they can;t do anything but if it isn’t they could put a lien on the house. This could get complicated and you really should get an attorney who specializes in this stuff. If you really want to throw a monkey wrench into things and stall this whole thing for a long long time, then file a civil suit against your son and possibly a criminal complaint for fraud. But since you did allow him to use your house as collateral I guess you are still involved and if he borrowed more than you agreed to you then hopefully you have a written notarized agreement with him. This could get messy and I don;t think you should try to deal with this without an attorney. On the personal side of things I would never let my kids use of my property for collateral. they are grown adults (or children) and responsible for their actions and hardships. There are considerations of course for disasters and tragedies and such and I would help them as best I could and I would consider myself the one responsible if I allowed the use of my property as collateral. Anyway, if he borrowed more than he siad he would why would you trust him with anything else in the future? He must have known he was violating your trust and kindness. I think a suit against him would be appropriate. If it is allowed by your state laws. Good luck. You are one of many trusting parents who have gotten into this position by simply trying to help.



    Oh Wow! Being Canadian I don’t know anything about US law but I second Kiowa’s advice. Find yourself a good lawyer that deals with family/real estate law. I think that the debt he took on should be his responsibility alone since he didn’t even tell you about it. You will need a lawyer to protect your interests in this. Unfortunately it will be hard for you to go against your son but you must protect yourself and your future well being. After all he didn’t think of you when he took on the extra debt without consulting you right? Your kids are adults and if they make poor choices they must face up to it and deal with it themselves. My suggestion for the future is don’t help your kids or anyone else out with anything more than you can afford to take a hit on. One of my sister-in-law’s used her credit line to loan a friend money. The so-called friend defaulted on paying her back. My sister-in-law couldn’t make the payments and ended up in a bankruptcy situation because of it. I don’t cosign on loans or credit cards. I have loaned my kids small amounts of cash with a definite payback schedule. I have kept it to an amount that I could repay if they defaulted or something happened to them. I believe in giving a hand up not a hand out. I keep all my assets separate from theirs so if they mess up I won’t be implicated. I love my kids to bits but do have to look after my interests and feel I’m not responsible for fixing their mistakes.

    It won’t be nice to lose the house but if it means a clean start for you and your hubby without the millstone of family debt it might be the better way to go. A good lawyer will be able to spell out the options and help you with the right decision for you. Check to see if there are any lawyers that do pro bono or low cost. Here is Canada we have “Legal Aid” for those that can’t afford regular lawyers. Good luck. Keep us posted.


    Yep, we made the mistake of actually trusting him. We had no idea he was like this. It is pretty heartbreaking that your own kid can do this to you.

    I will see about legal aid. Thanks, both of you. I just don’t see how we can do this without a lawyer helping us.

    Not a good way to start the new year, but such is life.
    love you guys, thanks xoxo


    Thanks Keith, I am trying to get some help with obtaining a lawyer. We just don’t have money for that . But I haven’t given up .
    We were taken advantage of by our son , and paying for it.
    Still can’t believe he stole the money , and then declared bankruptcy. Just in shock still as to how bad he is and selfish.

    Lawyer just has to be found.

    Thanks :))


    Jeanne, check with the Legal AId Society.



    Jeanne, i don’t know how old you are but there may be help from orgs that specialize in ‘elder abuse’…. protecting folks from being taken advantage of by kids and caretakers.
    I am so sorry you are going through this. The financial stress is bad enough but the betrayal horrible. Hang in there…


    Jackie has a good point, Jeanne. And it really is sad because betrayal probably is the worst ty0pe of abuse. But bankruptcy judges likely will still consider the fact that he made a verbal contract, which while difficult sometimes to prove, is still a binding contract. I think the first priority of a bankruptcy court would be making sure that you are protected. But you still need an attorney then you need to kick his butt! My older boy has had it tough being without a job, he and his wofe. And they have 4 kids. While we have given him money, we never attached our resources and he never asked us to do that. I would rather just pay off his house than to give him the burden pf having to pay it off. I’ve had patients in tough spots. I only asked that they pay me back when and if they could. Some didn’t, most, almost all did. But there was no occasion for betrayal for which I am thankful.. One who went out and bought a new Mercedes never paid me, some paid me with cookies and home made things. That meant more than money. I really believe things will work out for you. I dkon;t know how it works in California but in Texas your home cannot be taken away except of course by IRS and the bank. I consider both on my “evil” list.

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