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I rear-ended a car this morning…the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said ‘I am NOT Happy!’.So I said, ‘Well, which one ARE you then?’
That’s how the fight started.
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a bathroom scale.And then the fight started……
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My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
And then the fight started…
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
And that’s when the fight started…..
_____________________________________________________My wife told me the other day, “You never do anything romantic. You never take me anywhere. Why don`t you take me somewhere I`ve never been before?”
So, I took her to the kitchen …Thats when the fight started.
________________________________________________________My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…
Heeheeheeheeheehee
Jeanne, don’t ever stop sending those. We need them.
NOW: I have a real one for you. A few years ago while waiting in a short line at the supermarket checkout this really gorgeous young blond, with her boyfriend, got behind us (my and and my search dog were with me) and I heard her say, as she turned to her boyfriend, “he’s really cute”. For a split second I wondered why she would dare to say that to her boyfriend the I turned to her and said thank you. She politely replied, your welcome but I meant your Golden Retriever. No fight started but it was a hilarious experience. It really is true. Of course I then knew why her boyfriend (XXL foot ball player young guy) didn’t get concerned. I never did ask my wife it it bothered her. I still think she was referring to me. It was one of the funniest moments of my life. Slightly humbling though.
Kiowa
These are great, Jeanne. Thanks for the laughs.
Reminds me of the fellow who got out of the cab when it pulled up in front of the posh hotel. The doorman opened the car door for him and said: “Carry your bag, sir?” To which the gentleman replied: “No, she can walk!”
I suppose that was when the fight started…
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a
cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!â€
And that’s how the fight started…..
__________________________________________________A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And that’s how the fight started…..
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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Bud Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95..
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that’s when the fight started…
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