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I debated about putting this topic on. But it’s funny, and stupid, and real, and about people, sincere and dishonest. If it offends anyone I will take it off. It’s about wakes and funerals. No disrespect intended, really.
I try to avoid going to wakes and funerals. I don;t get bothered by death, I just don’t like going to these things even though I’m Catholic (Yeah, I know but don;t kill me yet, not my fault). Not that I don;t understand the reason for wakes, and funerals, I do. I personally don;t want a long drawn out thing. But wakes are for the grieving family, and for many they are part of the healing process. I understand all that. But here’s the thing. I have been to enough to have heard these things followed by my first thoughts:
“Oh, he looks so good”. Really? He looks dead. What looks good about him? He was always ugly.
“I really didn;t know him (or her).” So why are you here? Oh yeah, to support the family which you never bothered to do before.
“I wish I had gotten to know him better”. Well you had the chance, stupid!
“I didn;t know he was that sick”. Of course you didn;t. You never bothered to care to ask about him.
“The last time I saw him he looked fine”. That was two years ago dummy, you should have been more concerned two years ago.
“I didn’t think his cancer was that bad”. Well what do you think cancer is?
“This was quite a shock to me, we lived next door for over 30 years”. Next door? And you never bothered even to say hello.
“I glad his pain is over” How do you know he was in pain. He was high most of the time anyway.
“I wish I could have done something” Yeah, like visit or call once in a while.
“I’m sure he’s in a better place”. Really. You’re sure about that right? How do you know where he is. Oh yeah, you’re God, sorry I forgot.
“I saw him just last week!”. Well, people do die without advance notice you know.
“I just heard about it”. Well he’s only been dead for 6 hours, not to worry.
“I’m sure he’s in Heaven”. Don’t be so sure, he was a real jerk and I guess you didn’t know he was an atheist and and a drug runner.
“He looks so natural”. Well mortitions do have a way with make up.
“I’m so sorry for your loss”. What, I don;t even know who you are?
“what is going to happen to his estate?” Ahhhhh, why would you care?
“I suppose his bast..d son is going to get everything”. Do you know where you are and why are you here?
“I really wish I could have done something”. You could have, but you never bothered. You must mean the other dead guy next door.
“Too bad, I really liked him a lot”. No you didn’t. You hated him, tell the truth or go home.
“I’m sure life will be much easier for you now.” Oh, thanks a lot, but it really won;t be easier. We were married for over 50 years idiot.
“Why aren’t his kids here yet?” Well if you knew him at all you would know his son died last year and his daughter has to fly from England.
There were many who came in silence, gently hugged the family, prayed over the body for a minute and quietly left. That said it all and quite sincerely and lovingly.
Well, some things were funny, some stupid, but most I guess were sincere, or at least there was an intent to care. But the others! GRRRRRRRR!
Kiowa
I too, have heard all these comments at funerals etc. I think it is just the guilt of the party saying it and the general awkwardness of the situation. Some people go to the funeral just to say that they did and shouldn’t have others go out of guilt and the remaining ones do go because they have always cared for this person. I tend to only go to the funerals of people I have known well and can speak to the family in a genuine manner. Otherwise if I recognize a name in the paper I says prayers for that person and their family. I think that is all you need do.
My closest, life-long friend Joe passed away 12 years ago at the age of 47. At the viewing, I was last to approach the casket to take a look at Joe. When I got there I burst out laughing. You know the laugh…the one where you can’t stop not matter how hard you try. Another friend approached and asked “WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?” My response… “He’s wearing my tie.”
ok very embarrasing story… when i was a teenager, my grandmother passed away. My dad wasn’t particularly close to his mother, or to his kids either, so we had not seen her a lot lately. She was in a nursing home and last time i saw her pretty doped up (not their fault – she had her friends bringing her extra painkillers, unfortunately had been addicted for some time).
(oh, and everyone was worried about me, our mom had passed away a couple years earlier and i didn’t do so well at hers). we got there and i hung at the back wondering why i recognized NOBODY. But everyone was very nice and sympathetic and…
We were at the wrong viewing, which explains why she looked so good. yikes.
we did make it to the (right) funeral.
I don’t know who gave the funeral info to my older sisters. Could have been Dad. Wonder if it was his wife (who really doesn’t want us to exist so wouldn’t have missed us much that day). (and you may have guessed by now, we weren’t living with Dad).
Families can be weird….
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