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My mom has just been diagnosed with BC…she is 74. We aren’t sure how bad it is yet because we can’t find a urologist to see her and this scares both of us. Her ultrasound showed a mass on her bladder and lung. Her urine test showed cancer, but her doctor isn’t telling her anything else until she sees a urologist. This can’t be good.
I found this forum through Facebook because I am looking for support and perhaps some insight into how to get a urologist to see her…then what comes next. I feel so useless not doing something to help her. She is having a hard time…so stressed…scared…angry. I am having a hard time because I don’t know what to say to her…she is independent and won’t let me help her much and I don’t know how to help her. We cry a lot.
I have read several posts on the site before signing up…such insight here and I thank everyone for their openness. I am understanding BC more and hopefully I can help my mom with what I learn here. I also hope I can offer some support to folks on this site in return for your kindness…at least do what I can.
Hello Jessica
Welcome. Unfortunately your mom is now a member of that exclusive club of people who have been told those three little words “you have cancer”. We all swing from the rafters on an initial diagnosis. None of us know how to handle cancer from the start. You do learn, though and you also learn that a cancer diagnosis is NOT a death sentence.
Get a hold of BCC (this site). They can help with the urologist issue. I am sure by early tomorrow Jack will have more info posted for you regarding this.
Regarding the doctor not saying anything else: this is probably the best. Too many GPs have not had enough training regarding BC and say a lot of things they shouldn’t and have no basis in saying. They give misinformation that scares the pants off the patient. When BC was first suspected for me, the resident rattled off the sequence of events that would be happening: ultrasound, CT, cystoscopy then cystectomy. Good thing I didn’t know what cystectomy was otherwise I would of really freaked out. As it turned out for me, no cystectomy. So, it sounds like your mom’s doctor realizes his limited knowledge of BC so he isn’t going to provide any misinformation.
FYI: don’t spend time checking other sites. They will scare the pants off you. The overall impression from those sites is that the bladder will be gone next week and then your mother will be dead the next week. This is just not so. Spend time reading what is on this site.
Now my prescription for both of you: take a deep breath or two or three or four; cry; take another deep breath or two or three or however many it takes; hug; cry; hug again; cry again; spend time with those you love; cry; deep breathe; yell at one another if it helps but then apologize and cry again; yell at the cancer just remember that those cancer buggers can’t hear; hug; breath; then find something to laugh about. Once you can start laughing again you will start healing.
Your mom will be in denial for awhile. See the patient info under the “facing bladder cancer” tab to learn about the stages one goes through when diagnosed. Both of you need to read and talk about these stages.
Then appreciate each and every day that you do have because somewhere someone with cancer no longer has another day to cherish.
Stay in communication with this forum. Your mom will need it and so will you.
Take care
Hi Jessica
Your mom’s family GP will have to do a referral to an Urologist.
A member of our medical advisory board here at BCC is:
Matthew Eric Hyndman, MD, PhD, FRCSC, University of Calgary, Calgary AB
We do have a few members here from Calgary, that I am sure can give you other names as well.
All the best,
JackHello Jessica,
Welcome to Bladder Cancer Canada.
I am saddened to hear that your mother has been diagnosed with possible bladder cancer.Cheryl has given excellent advice and Jack has provided a contact point.
May God Bless
DDep
Hi Jessica:
Marysue here in Calgary, welcome to the site that no one wishes they belong to. However that being said, you will find support here and from us in Calgary. Myself and two others cofacilitate an in-person support group here in Calgary. See the links or PM me for details if interested. If you haven’t already discovered, there are patient booklets on BC that can be downloaded for free from this site that gives a lot of info about bladder cancer in layman’s language.
As Jack said, you will have to go to your mom’s GP for a referral to a urologist. Since initial tests revealed masses in her bladder and lungs he should be acting on this pronto. Call his office to see what has been done already. She may also need further testing from other specialists to take a look at the mass in her lungs. Nothing, I repeat nothing can be diagnosed for sure until she sees a urologist. He may decide to do a cystoscopy exam (scope exam to see inside the bladder) and or some other tests before deciding on any surgical or other treatment options.
Her GP won’t say too much and the uro most likely won’t either until all tests are done and they have a full picture of what is wrong to give you a diagnosis. I went through this with my first uro. Now had he explained that to me I wouldn’t have being swinging from the rafters with anxiety. (Quoting Cheryl here). Now that I have that knowledge I have to agree it is best to learn step by step so that you have time to take it all in better than if you go on the Internet and may cause yourself and your mom a lot of unnecessary stress by maybe misunderstanding stuff. It is frustrating and the wait is enough to drive you nuts but this is the toughest part in the journey. Once you do get the diagnosis and know the road you must travel it helps some. Most people react like you with a feeling of lack of control and helplessness – particularly because this is your mom, someone that you love dearly and you want to help. Take deep breathes and try to keep an even keel. Let me know if you and/or your mom want to talk. Take care.
Hi Jessica
I what you to know: you stronger than you seem, more courageous than you think and loved more then you realize. When l fisrt found out l had cancer l didn’t even tell my adult children for three weeks.All I could thing of how was l to tell them l was going to die.l didn’t have the facts or understand what was happening. I was scared ■□<●◆/=*^& It took some time to settle in and get to understand the terms of what was going on .I had to trust and let people in, I felt so vulnerable and unalbe to help myself.This is all part of a very complex journey. It's so hard to deal with cancer when it's family , our emotions can make us crazy.Believe in Hope, Reach for faith, and Know you are loved.
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