Homepage – Forum › Forums › Non-Muscle Invasive Bladder Cancer › Mom & Dad Being Treated for BC at Same Time
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Zina.
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July 10, 2013 at 4:00 am #8694
Sandy K.
ParticipantI’m in my early 40’s and both my Mom & Dad who are in their late 60’s are receiving treatments for Bladder Cancer…at the same time….crazy, but true. It’s been a remarkable few months! Thanks so much for making this site available…where it seems like the only silly question is the one you didn’t ask. A bit about my family’s experience: my dad is a prostate cancer survivor who first had symptoms with his bladder in November 2012. Due to several delays and rescheduled appointments with busy doctors, he finally received the confirming diagnosis in May 2013 and started BCG treatments in June…2 more to go and his first round of 6 will be complete – yeah Dad!
My mom’s journey has been completely different. A trip to ER in February 2013 got a prescription for a suspected bladder infection. Back to ER two days later because she couldn’t pee at all. Ultrasound showed a tumour the size of a mandarin orange in the bladder. Several weeks later, a TURBT turned into a 5.5 hour abdominal surgery when the doctor found himself on the outside of the bladder as he chased down the tumour during removal for biopsy. After repairing the bladder, mom recovered in hospital for 7 days in preparation for her radical cycstectomy, hysterectomy, and lymph node removal. Everything was moving so fast! The doctor did a great job and was extremely caring in his post-surgical follow-up. Mom had just about every side effect you could name from the required meds and had a very bumpy recovery. She had to wait to start post-RC chemo until she was strong enough and her bloodwork was good. She has just completed her first of four rounds of chemo – yes!
My mom has yet to shed a tear. She says she is on a path that her doctors are taking her on, that this is something that is happening to her and she is just following along. She doesn’t seem to want to ask questions and hasn’t done any research. I am under the understanding that she isn’t yet independently caring for her own stoma/ostomy bag either. Is this one of those times where I have to step back because it’s her body to care for as she sees fit and just love her through this? I wish she’d reach out for the support that is available.
Thanks in advance for any advice.
July 10, 2013 at 11:30 am #15865stumblegirl14
ParticipantMy heart goes out to you and your mom and dad. What a journey they have been on. Your mom might be trying to come to grips with all that has happened over the last few months and feeling completely overwhelmed. We each deal with the ‘cancer’ diagnosis in different ways, so there is no right or wrong way to handle it. For now perhaps this is what is right for your mom. Love her, be there for her and when she’s ready we’re all here to help however we can. In the meantime we’re also here for the caregivers so ask away – there are lots of very knowledgeable folks on here. Wishing you all the best going forward on this journey no one wants to be on.
FloJuly 10, 2013 at 2:36 pm #15867Ieva
ParticipantDear SandyK,
What an incredible journey you and your parents are traveling, with bladder cancer!
Are you their primary caregiver? Please, ask tons of questions – there will be someone (or many) in the forums who will respond, from their experiences.Ieva
I am a caregiver. My husband was diagnosed with aggressive bladder cancer in 2011; had an RC (neobladder), followed by chemotherapy.
July 10, 2013 at 8:32 pm #15870Greg
ParticipantSandy K:
Welcome. Sorry for your parents’ ordeals but they are forunate to have a caring person on their side in you. Find out all you can (here and elsewhere) and share it with them as and when they feel up to hearing about it. A stoma nurse might be of some help in getting your mother to come to grips with her new appliance.The chemo will perhaps advance the appreciation and appropriation of her condition – of necessity if nothing else. The bumps in the recovery road are not at all pleasant and perhaps she just needs time to come to grips with the fact that her life is a new normal that is different – but can be very good. It may take some time. Perhaps you are all the support she can take at the moment and maybe all she needs and can accept. We’re all different and some of us need little support – or think we do. But this journey is so much better with shoulders to lean on and in her own time she may come to that. At four or so months post op she is still in the early days, especially since she is now doing chemo which will knock some of the stuffing out of her.
Hang in there. And take care of dad and yourself!
July 11, 2013 at 12:52 pm #15873KIOWA
ParticipantThat is surely a rough road for your parents and for you. Your Mom had a particvularly tough time. Sometimes a person just does’t want to know much and at times that is a good thing. It can be quite scary for a person to have too many details. But she has you to keep an eye on things and she is getting the proper medical care. Give her time. And of course with both of them having BC it is much more stressful than it would perhaps normally be. Hang in there.
Kiowa
July 11, 2013 at 1:41 pm #15875elsie
Participantthinking of you and mom and dad as you travel this journey together
stay strong
hugs
lynnJuly 11, 2013 at 6:33 pm #15878auntybevy
ParticipantYour parents are fortunate to have such a caring daughter. I hope the long road ahead is an easy one for all of you. Do keep us posted.
BevJuly 12, 2013 at 4:25 pm #15882Zina
ParticipantHi Sandy, I am sorry for this difficult journey you are travelling upon. If I understood your post correctly, your mom is not independantly taking care of her ostomy bag? Does she need some help learning how to take care if it herself? It sounds like your mom is a pretty independant person, and learning how to do for herself will give her even more independance. There are resources available in the community to help with that. I don’t have an ostomy myself (I have an indiana pouch), but the ostomy nurses both at my hospital (St. Joes in Hamilton) and out in the community (thru CCAC) have been very helpful whenever I have reached out to them. Your surgeon’s office should be able to connect your mom with the right resources. Make sure you are taking care of yourself, as well as your parents. All the best to you and your parents.
Zina
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