Homepage – Forum › Forums › Metastatic Bladder Cancer › Mike’s Decision Is Made
- This topic has 8 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 9 months ago by
Jack Moon.
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May 15, 2013 at 2:11 am #7798
Anonymous
InactiveHi Everyone,
What a difference a day makes. When I got to the hospital this morning at 7:30, Mike was perfectly lucid and 100% back to the husband I know and love. I took the opportunity to discuss his options with him and he said in no uncertain terms that he wants to go home. He does not want surgery or chemo, he just wants to go home and enjoy his morning coffee, mini-wheats and time with me at our beautiful house.
I also got the chance to speak with his medical oncologist who had taken the time to do exactly what Ieva suggested…neat…the doctors actually talked to each other. So, Dr. Breau and Dr. Canil discussed Mike’s case in detail and they both concur that the likelihood of chemo being a great success was minimal. They all agree that there is no right or wrong answer. However, the fact that Mike’s cancer is already in the bone, in the peritoneum and in lymphnodes and is this horrible plasmacytoid variant that likes to not show up on scans, makes it much more difficult to treat with chemo. As some of you have pointed out it is a matter of how much we want to put Mike through.
We are also lucky to have a fabulous family doctor who took my call in an instant today. He also thinks we would be putting Mike through a lot of pain and suffering for little gain.
So, as much as we did not want to make this decision, we have done it. We are going home. The oncology team is making arrangements for Palliative Care at home and Mike will go home on antibiotics. His leg is still very swollen due to the tumour pressing on his vein and causing the lymph draining to not work as it should. So they will do an ultrasound to ensure there are no blood clots and put him on blood thinners if need be.
We have had lots of tears today but also much relief now that the decision is made. We are lucky in that we are surrounded by tons of family and friends and more love than most people could hope for. Mike and I love each other and will take what time we have left together and make the most of it. He said it best this morning when he stated “I wish I could have 20 or 30 more years with you”. That would certainly be my wish too.
We know in our hearts that we have made the right decision.
Thank you all for being there for us.
Monique
May 15, 2013 at 2:45 am #15508Greg
ParticipantMay God bless you both. Remember this perhaps simplistic, yet true perspective: You are living with cancer, not dying from it. Because each one of us has today to live, not tomorrow, which is not promised to any of us, though we unfortunately live as if it were to our own detriment. Here’s to the best days, the best coffee, the best mini-wheats of your life – together in your beautiful home! Live some beautiful moments and make some beautiful memories. Can we all do that?
May 15, 2013 at 10:42 am #15509Ieva
ParticipantMike is back and you are together. Take everything that palliative care offers and ask for more…..so that everyday you and Mike can live in the moment with one another.
May 15, 2013 at 6:45 pm #15510elsie
Participantthinking of you two monique
hugs and prayers
lynnMay 15, 2013 at 7:30 pm #15511marysue
ParticipantAs hard as this has been, I was pretty sure that this was the route that you would choose. As I mentioned you are caught between a rock and a hard place. You are both brave and beautiful in facing this together. You’re in our prayers. (((((SUPER BIG HUGS)))) I’m glad that Mike is back to reality.
May 15, 2013 at 10:15 pm #15512Kari Rud
ParticipantMonique,
You are not only a very brave and thoughtful person, you are a wonderful writer.
Apparently there is no active treatment at present for your Mike. Therefore there is nothing to interfere with, and I venture a suggestion.
You might be interested in knowing of the Health Canada funding of research into dandelion tea.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/story/2012/04/20/wdr-dandelion-tea-research-grant.html
We take some once in a while, in case it might do some good, but also it tastes quite nice as a relaxing evening drink with no caffeine.
Warmest good wishes to you both,
Claire McMordie
(Calgary)May 15, 2013 at 10:33 pm #15513tinkerbelle
ParticipantMonique,
What courage your Mike has, I feel so much better that he was lucid and could be part of this decision, for him and for you….your love for each comes right through my computer, I can feel it, and so it is…….coffee and mini wheats, enjoy!
and a hug from here for you both……stay strong, your quite a lady!!!ginger beane
May 16, 2013 at 1:33 am #15514Anonymous
InactiveThank you all so much for your thoughts. It really does make me feel better to read your replies every night…like a warm hug from all over the world. Claire, thank you for the compliment and the info…I will definitely take a look at the dandelion tea. Can’t hurt…might help.
You haven’t heard the last from us…who knows we may even get to the conference on the 25th…ya never know.
Monique
May 16, 2013 at 2:34 am #15515Jack Moon
KeymasterMu heart goes out to you both.
God bless,
Jack -
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