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I never mentioned this before. But here goes. Back in 1992 when I had my first round with bladder cancer and had a rather large yucky bloody tumor (thanks how my urologist described it to me, very clinical) removed by his expert hands on his huge stainless steel tube which is bigger than my penis (just kidding about that), what did I think? What ere my feelings? Well first, I’m a clinician so I respond differently than most people. But I recall always having to pee. But with a solid Hx of prostate inflammation I waited for it to go away. Until! One night about 10 PM on my ritualistic trip to the pee room I felt such a relief of pressure as my bladder released all this retained fluid it was almost like a high. It wasn’t urine though, it was blood. 100% blood. No urine, just blood. My first though? Instinctively I knew what it was. I went to the ER and was seen by a fabulous (and rather pretty) female doctor. She cautiously told me what the possibilities were and I said, “Doc, don’t worry, I already know it’s bladder cancer”. She was relieved because she didn’t want to tell me that is what she tough. Before I left the ER they had already made arrangements for me to see an oncologist/urological surgeon and had arranged all kinds of test for the next day. And yes, it was BC. The point is, I was never scared, never worried, never fearful. I just figured “OK, let’s do what needs to be done”. I was not in a state of shock or anything, but I wonder if anyone else has had that reaction or is it my medical training? Or that I’m a bit nutty? As an aside the CA stayed away for almost 18 years then came back with a little arrogance and hostility toward me. Now my bladder is on the most wanted list.
Kiowa
I think that it could be your medical training or just your approach to things. I have a friend that is an ovarian cancer survivor and was of the same mindset “It is what it is and let’s just get this done” I just couldn’t be that way. Being diagnosed with bladder cancer was the most devestating thing of my life. My whole world and what I knew went out the window. I went on the biggest learning curve of my life examining everything from all aspects; mental, spiritual, psychological, emotional and physical. I read so much on all types of healing modialities,different schools of philosophy and spirituality etc etc. Today I’m a volunteer in a program called “Patient Engagement Research”. It will be getting renamed “Patient and Community Engagement” (PACE) Research in the near future. It is a new type of research being developed to help the health/medical community understand the needs of patients and patients learn to understand how to engage in their health. At Wellspring Calgary, the cancer support center here people often refer to a cancer journey as being transforming akin to a caterpillar in a chrysallis. I feel that is what happened to me. I made some obvious changes many cancer patients do in terms of improving my lifestyle as far as diet and exercise were concerned but I knew it neede to go deeper. By doing a lot of self work I healed in so many other ways I could write a book. (My research paper will be dealing with this)The diagnosis left me feeling so disconnected that it was a long process to get reconnected again. I think you may have been fortunate that you didn’t go through this shock to the system that many cancer patients do. Even though as mentioned I healed in so many ways it has been one long arduous road and I wouldn’t wish the experience on anyone.
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