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2 days ago I was getting a cystoscopy for investigation into an angry bladder as my GP and I were calling it, looking for any inflammation, or structural issues. When lo and behold the urologist found a growth attached to the wall of my bladder. So I went in hoping to figure out a solution for my angry bladder and found something scary. That same day his office called and I’m getting a biopsy in a week. I’m freaking out, have had a cry but just needed to write something to anyone who’s done the waiting thing. Cheers, ya.
Hi MissyGal:
Welcome to Bladder Cancer Canada. I’m sorry to learn that you have been having issues with an “angry bladder” and now you discovered a “something” that may prove to be of concern. I’ve been down the bladder cancer road three times. I’m currently in treatment for my third rodeo.
Waiting for the biopsy surgery and the pathology results is one of the hardest or the hardest part of this journey. We all want answers yesterday. It is normal to be scared, anxious, angry and a whole host of other emotions. It is a huge shock to see something on the screen. I have never forgotten my first look inside my bladder way back in 2008. At the bottom right of my bladder were two tumours that looked like pink pieces of cauliflower. Beside it was a red patch with a dark center that looked like one of those angry cartoon eyes. It gave me pause to think – What am I angry about? After surgery and some follow up treatment I was good until the summer of 2010 when a single tumour was discovered on the top of my bladder. I had a second surgery and some more follow up treatment. All was good until I got my third shock last September after a 12 year hiatus seeing a yellowish tan fluffy something or other and I can tell you I bawled my eyes out pretty good. I had a third surgery and am now in the middle of immunotherapy treatments once again.
Next, after seeing the screen, come the thoughts of OMG what’s next? What will my future hold? That is determined by the pathology results which usually take about 10-14 days post op. Once you know the results, that too takes time to process but generally you feel a little better because you now know the path that you are on and have less of a feeling of wandering around in the dark. As a ray of hope – the majority of bladder tumours are caught early and while potentially serious are not life threatening at this point. We will hope and pray that this is the case for you as well. My tumours were all caught in the very early stages and despite the annoyance of follow up immunotherapy treatments. I’m carrying on.
I have found the best thing to do to get through these times is to self distract. I try to stay busy with projects and lose myself in a good book for a few hours here and there. Exercise helps too. I was really super angry the first time and took to journaling to get my emotions out and also when alone in the house I went into the basement and took my frustrations out on an old pillow with my kid’s baseball bat. I did feel considerably better (and a bit tired) after letting it all out on the pillow.
I know that the waiting for surgery is hard but I will mention that you are fortunate that you are getting in within the next week. I had to wait much longer for my surgeries.
All that being said, please do your best to work through your feelings. Seek professional help if needed. It takes time to work through everything and is a roller coaster of a process. Please feel free to post any questions here or you can call the toll free number and ask to be connected with a peer support volunteer.
You will most likely have questions as things move along. No question is a dumb question. Please keep in touch and let us know how it goes. (((HUGS)))
Thank you for the response it really means a lot. I’ve had so much different health crap over the years. Brain tumour, ovarian cyst issues, severe nerve pain and others. I’ve finally been getting into a good place physically and emotionally. I started a personal wellness journey over the last 18 months. I’ve lost 40 lbs, work out 4 days a week eat well. And now this. It just feels like the universe kicking me in the teeth. I’m definitely going to go talk to someone. I do apparently have the best Urologist in my province though. So that’s good.
Hi MissyGal:
I’m sorry to learn that you have had many other health issues to deal with.
I too, have had a lifelong health journey. And yeah, in some ways I too, felt like the bladder cancer diagnosis was a kick in the teeth from the universe, God or whatever. My journey started in early childhood with the discovery of other urological issues that consisted of a narrowed urethra and a kinked up and twisted left ureter. This took 3 surgeries to correct. In the midst of all that I had a tonsillectomy as well. This was back in the mid 1960’s and surgeries were far more invasive back then. All was good outside of dental surgeries, until age 30 when I had my gall bladder out. Fourteen years later I needed a hysterectomy for a large fibroid and then 6 years later my journey with bladder cancer began. So, including dental surgeries, a surgery to remove plantar warts off my right foot at age 13, I’ve had maybe 14 or 15 surgeries. It gets old when you find out you have yet another problem.
On top of all the health stuff in 2008, I was in a tough position in my life with serious marital, financial, and kid health concerns. So not fun. When I was first diagnosed, I realized after the basement pillow whacking incident I had definitely bottled up a whole big bunch of anger for years. Whether that was a contributing factor to the development of bladder cancer I can’t say for sure but I have read that emotional stress can in some cases manifest itself with physical symptoms. I did try to seek counselling but was not successful. However, Wellspring, an organization dedicated to helping cancer patients and their families helped me until I discovered Bladder Cancer Canada in late 2010. Back then there were not as many resources available to help people with the emotional side of cancer.
I have spent a lot of time reading about all kinds of things to do with treating the whole person while experiencing an illness. My reading has given me much understanding of how important it is to put oneself and their well being first. For too many years, I patterned myself after my mother and ignored my needs even when my body was screaming to get my attention. It was a hard lesson to learn that I too, was important and had the right to attend to my needs.
Now, things are a bit easier on the home front and I don’t hesitate to tell my family when I need/want something.
I’m glad to read that you have embarked on a health journey and are making progress. Regardless of the bladder cancer diagnosis, the work that you have done to improve your well being will pay off and help give you strength going forward. I took up yoga, walked more and did lane swimming. The swimming came to an end because of covid when the pool closed but I plan to finally get back into it in the summer after my next set of treatments end. I’m pushing myself once again, because I also want to lose a bit more weight.
Once again, best wishes. (((HUGS))))
Hi MissyGal,
I cannot add anything more to what MarySue has already provided, except to ask you if you noticed she had 12 good years before she was asked to take on this new Rodeo!
I thought I would raise this because your situation may be absolutely nothing to worry about. I myself am a 13 year survivor, so hang in there and do as much self-distracting before you get your results. BTW, you’re welcome to join a Support Group (via Zoom) that I facilitate out of Hamilton, Ont. We have folks from all over join including my dear friend MarySue!
You want someone to talk with…we’ll give you a bunch you can talk with on the Call and ask all the questions you want. We’re not medical experts, but we’ve gone through the experience and can share what we know.
If you’re interested, let me know by clicking on ‘send a message’ directly below my name on the left.
My best,
I successfully had my Turbt. It was uncomfortable and awkward to say the least. But now I am waiting for the results. Until then I am going to take things easy rest and recover.
Hi MissyGal:
I’m glad to know that you made it through the TURBT okay. Lots of R&R and water, short walks as able with be the best recipe for recovery. The wait for the results can be mentally stressful but most of us just find ways to stay busy. For me, I just lost myself in some really good novels or binged on Netflix. We pray for the best for you. Take care and please let us know how it goes. ((((HUGS))))
Hi MissyGal,
Glad to hear you survived the Turbt! Now its wait and see. R&R is a grand idea, but as MarySue indicates…go for short walks as they help a lot. Sending you quick recovery thoughts!
My best,
My doctor called today and told me it is a low-malignancy papillary growth. I’m crying I’m so relieved. After everything I’ve been through with my health it’s been such a struggle to think it could be worse. They are going to keep an eye on my bladder first check in 6 month, the yearly for 5 years. I know they can grow back and change but for now I’m taking the win. Thanks for the support! After I recover I can go back to living my best and happiest life!
Hi MissyGal:
Congrats on the good news! Party time!!!! Please let us know if you have any other questions and also how it goes for you. All the best. ((((HUGS))))
Hey MissyGal,
That is fabulous news! Do us and yourself a favour, and ask your Urologist if you can have checkups for the first two years every three months rather than every 6 months. I say this only because in my case I went every 3 months for the first 3 years and in the 1st year the cancer came back 3 times. Also, low grade non-muscle invasive bladder cancer has a tendency to return more frequently. BTW, I am now a 13 year survivor. I got the all clear and don’t come back after 7 years.
BTW, every patient is different and you may not need it, but it’s worth raising the question in my humble opinion.
My best,
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