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Homepage – Forum Forums Caregiver Support alcohol consumption (beer) with Bladder & prostrate removal and only 1 kidney

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    Hi I’m hoping someone can help me with this My brother had stage 2 bladder cancer in summer 2017 went through intense Cemo and Bladder and prostrate removal in October. He urinates into a bag and has been in and out of hospital with kidney infections to the point that he only has 1 functioning kidney left.

    He was always a heavy drinker and moderate smoker most of his life (he’s 67 now) I recently moved in with him and found out he has returned to drinking about 6-8 beers at a time 2-3 times a week and is smoking again 3-4 a day.

    It’s almost like he wants to shorten his life, Has anyone else had to deal with this and how did you handle it? any input would be appreciated.

    Thanks Wayne


    Hi Wayne:

    Welcome to Bladder Cancer Canada but sorry that your brother is dealing with bladder cancer.

    I went through something like this with my mother.  She had open heart surgery back in 1980 to replace/repair faulty heart valves.  The surgeon refused to operate unless she quit smoking.  She had been a very heavy smoker for decades.  She managed to quit to get the surgery done and then lo and behold after she recovered she started up again.  Needless to say as a concerned and loving daughter I gave her s***  about how everyone had worked hard to help her regain her health and she was (to us at least) throwing it all away by taking up smoking again. She got angry with me and told me to mind my own business. I won’t repeat the actual words. I think you get the picture.  I realized then that as hard as it was I had to let her make her own choices even if they were bad ones.  I ended the conversation by telling her if her resumption of smoking led to further problems she only had herself to blame and I didn’t want to hear anymore about it nor would I help her.  We went through a repeat of this in 1991 when she had to have a second open heart surgery to replace the artificial valves that were now failing.  Long story short, sometime after that second surgery of which mom had many complications,  both my parents managed to quit for good.

    I also think the long and short of it is people that drink, smoke etc. excessively have some sort of mental health/addiction issues that need professional help to resolve. Destructive behaviour to me signals a lack of self love and/or some kind of issue with guilt and/or lack of appreciation for life.  I’m not a professional in any way, but I came to this conclusion with my mother and others that if they don’t want help/change there is nothing that we can do. They have to be the ones to make the decision to change. It is really REALLY hard to watch those that we love seemingly destroy themselves with bad lifestyle choices but I took the tough love approach to save my own sanity.  I had to save myself and let go realizing I did nothing to cause this, it was her choice.

    Ironically, I went through a bad patch of personal anger when first diagnosed with bladder cancer when I discovered that smoking was a major cause of this disease.  I have never smoked but thought that maybe it was my long time exposure to second hand smoke as a kid that may have contributed.  I have no actual proof that it did since the medical jury is still out on that, so I had to let that go and also realized that during the 60’s and 70’s the majority of adults smoked without knowing the real dangers that it could impose on your own health and that of others and therefore forgive my parents. Even our family doctor smoked citing that it was good for the nerves.

    I have struggled all my life to maintain my health and actually survive many health challenges so I get how it hurts when we see loved ones seemingly throw their lives away.  I don’t know if my comments help you or not but I hope that your brother will somehow turn around and realize the value of life.  ((((HUGS)))))


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