Parental warning. This notice may contain graphic scenes, nudity, course language and violence. Viewer discretion is advised!
Now that I’ve got your attention, here is the good stuff:
PRE-SURGERY
a) Enjoy those times with your wife – you know, THOSE times. It may not be the same post-surgery, sad to say.
b) Laugh a lot. People will think you’re crazy, or they’ll know your trust in God is solid. Either way, you’ll enjoy life more.
c) Do the kegels when they say, but check about when you have the Foley in. Might not be so good. Not sure.
d) Don’t be anxious in anything. You know why and how.
e) Get as much sleep as you can now. After, your nights are going to be interrupted quite a bit for a long time.
POST-SURGERY
a) You’ll be on clear liquids, then creamy liquids for a few days after you awaken. When you get your first solid meal, be very slow and very sparse in what you eat or you will pay in ways that are not nice.
b) Walk. Then when you wonder what to do next, walk some more. It helps wake up the bowels which will stay asleep for days. But you can’t go home till they begin expressing themselves, if you get my drift (and others will get yours, trust me).
c) Stay on top of any discomfort. You should not have much at all, but sometimes you just need to take the edge off so you can sleep. Do it.
d) Have your wife or kids or some hired mafia gunman ensure that visitors only stay for BRIEF visits. You will be somewhat fatigued to say the least.
e) Have a good supporter on speed dial for those times in off hours when something happens that you don’t think should. Then call them and get some much needed support. And don’t hesitate to do it, ever, at any time, night or day.
f) Make sure your bowels are working – don’t get constipated. And if you do, try whatever it takes to “rectify” (excuse the word in this connection) the problem. Stool softeners, prune juice, laxatives, yogurt, suppositories, dynamite – ok not dynamite – you do not want a blockage. Trust me!
g) You will lose weight. Do not be too alarmed when your body appears to be a mere shadow of its former self. With the weight will also exit the energy level.
Now that you want to go away on a long vacation and forget all about this, take a deep breath and go for a walk.
Know that many people are praying for the Lord to take the surgeon’s hands and perform His wonderful work in you.
