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Mayre
I wanted to extend my empathy/sympathy? for the anxiety you are experiencing while waiting for your surgery.
For those of us who are some time past our surgeries, I think your pre-surgery feelings remind us of what it was like before.
When we write those comforting words about how it really is going to be fine, and that recovery, while certainly not easy, does gradually happen; when we write that one day you feel very “normal” again, and very grateful for your new reality, I can imagine that sounds unbelievable. It would have sounded that way to me, for sure. I was more of a “head in the sand” type of patient, though, at the time, haha.
There is no doubt that this is a very, very big deal – cystectomy and the ileal conduit. One that your mind can’t really accept beforehand, I think. Recovery from this very major surgery, the clumsiness and ineptness that are part of the initial time of dealing with pouches and flanges and night time collection bags and all that stuff – whew. But – one day at a time – it gets easier.
I do quite clearly recall my first realizations after surgery that I was no longer conscious of having a pouch stuck on my tummy. I don’t remember when it happened, exactly – some months later – but for minutes, then hours, it just “disappeared”. And now … 1 1/2 years later … it really, truly is just another part of me that I am completely at ease with – with some very big perks, too. No more cystoscopies and turbt surgeries, don’t have to sit on toilet seats to urinate (that is a BIG thrill to me, as a woman), and of course, most of all, being cancer free!
If you want personal contact at any point, you can contact the Calgary Ostomy Society yourself (www.calgaryostomysociety.ca), or through the ET nurses at the Rockyview. They can arrange for a visitor.
Best of luck to you, my dear.