Hi Theresa!
Welcome to our site but sorry that you have reason to be here.
I’ve not had to have my bladder removed but do understand some of your worry. As for the finances your hubby should still qualify for EI as it would be sick leave EI not unemployment EI. They count it differently. He will need a doctor’s note. It won’t be much but every dollar counts. If your income is low enough you may qualify for some form of govt assistance. The hospital social worker may be able to help here. If you owe on credit cards talk to the creditors or a debt counselling agency to see if they can come up with a better repayment plan to help while he is off work. Talking to creditors ahead of time goes a long way to preserving your credit when they realize that you are not skipping out on them.
As for the coping with not smoking they can give him the patch or some meds to control the cravings while he is in the hospital. Back in 2002 when I had an emergency hysterectomy my roommate was a smoker in for the same surgery and that is what they did for her. I suggest ask the doc about it ahead of time. And definitely do the quit smoking thing after the surgery is over.
Lastly don’t forget to take time for yourself. The hospital can arrange for any in home care once he is discharged so that will limit the time you need to take off work. I suggest to see if your employer has any compassionate leave as part of their benefits. My hubby was able to do that at his last job and was able to take those days off with pay to take me for my immunotherapy treatments. If you have good church support see if there are volunteers that can help with meals, cleaning etc. so that will free you up to get out on your own for a bit to do something just for you. Your hubby has a big surgery and lengthy recovery ahead of him.
As for the “intimate” side of things have Jack link you up with a male survivor who can go into that with you guys. The type of diversion he chooses will depend on a lot of things. Again survivors on this site would be able to help mention the pros and cons as well as the doc of course.
I also suggest keeping a journal since you mentioned that you feel a lot better letting it out. Don’t worry you can vent here all you want too. We’ve all been there and understand the fears and frustrations. As you’ve said you’ve had a lot to learn and do in a very short period of time.
If the cancer is muscle invasive the gold standard is still to remove the bladder. If he does choose to do this surgery they will remove the lymph nodes in that area and biopsy them for cancer. If they are negative that means the cancer is contained to the bladder, if they are positive then that obviously is a different case. This is something I suggest you bring up at the next appointment so you can sound the doc out on what his approach would be for either scenario.
Best of luck and keep us informed. You’re not the only one who gets wordy! Take care.
