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Intense fear is normal at the beginning of this journey. Once you know what you are dealing with it will help some. Stick with us. People here are kind and supportive and fully understand as we’ve “been there, done that”. I discovered this site in 2010 after I had a reoccurence and the support made such a difference on how I was able to handle it. When you say “I really don’t want to go for BCG or a cysto. I’m sick of all this etc. etc.” people really know what you mean. You will get all sorts of tips and tricks on how to cope with each stage of your journey too. So, welcome! Sorry that you have reason to be here but stay in touch and let us know how it’s going.