Heather, I apologize for being so late in responding. As a nursing student I think you know the reality of this and although it is not a good time for you please keep in mind that this experience will turn out to be a very big part part of your medical studies, It will help you understand your patients and it will help spare them a great deal of agony. In the mean time I think you have a better grasp on this than perhaps the rest of the family. But that is to be expected. When my father died of kidney failure after many long years of treatment and suffering I knew that he knew I loved him. Like you I never expressed it nor verbalized it. I was studying medicine and was dealing with it in real terms but not in emotional terms. The important thing is that he knows you are there for him. People express their love in many different ways. A touch is sometimes much more expressive that words. When my Mom died I went through the same thing, but the touch of her hands and the final kiss said “I love you” loud and clear. If you can, try to verbalize it. If you can;t or do not have the opportunity do not agonize over it. He knows, and you know. He could live for some time, only God knows that, but you know what metastasis is and what it means. It is very very difficult for people to get their minds around this kind of thing. Especially for those in medicine. I doubt your family can understand it the way you do. Your Dad will want you to go on the be the medical professional you set out to be and this experience will hurt you, maybe forever, but it will also enable you to love more, love deeply and provide the kind of medical care that only love can offer. I was there and I fully understand. I do wish your Dad peace and comfort and I wish you the same and I will keep you both in my prayers. A gentle kiss, a gentle touch……… My best to both of you.
Kiowa
