Reply To: My Dad

[marysue]

HI Heather. Welcome to our site although I’m sorry that you have reason to be here. I’m sorry to learn that the news about your Dad isn’t good. In addition to being a bladder cancer survivor myself I had to go through the end process with my mother-in-law (lung cancer) in 2008 just befoer I was diagnosed with bladder cancer and then I went through the process again in 2011 with my dad (prostate cancer). So I hear you on how difficult the journey can be. From personal experience I say I agree with your family. If the cancer has spread to outside sites and he is visibly deteriating then his time is short. My suggestion is spend as much time as you can with him. Greg’s suggestion of a letter is good if you find verbal expression difficult. Since my dad also had Alzheimers I made a small photo album of myself and the kids and some favourite shots of various things. I went visual since he couldn’t read anymore and had lost most of his ability to speak. My family said that he treasured that album. Creating some sort of album or scrapbook may prove to be cathartic for you as well. It helps you focus on the good times and memories. Awkwardness at times like this often stems from unresolved issues between yourself and your loved one and/or famly members. I lived very far away from my parents and due to cost and my own health battles I wasn’t able to spend the time with them like I wanted to. When I was finally able to the time was very short so I made the most of it. Even if it is just sitting by their bedside reading to them, watching TV together, anything and everything will count. If you are able to you will find this time very rich and rewarding. My brother and I spent five days and four nights beside Dad’s bed when he slipped into a coma at the end. As tough as that was (I had just finished BCG treatments) I was glad I did it. My brother and I reconnected and shared many good stories. The nurse told us that hearing is the last thing to go so we wanted Dad’s last bit of hearing to be about positive stuff. It helped us too. We both realized that while we didn’t live fancy we did have good parents that tried to raise us in difficult times with the best that they had. Keep in touch Heather. I’m sure you will hear from plenty others here. Take care.